Beyond The Papers

We’ve all heard stories of: “mothers who made foolish choices, resulting in an unwanted child. A loving couple swoops in like the heroes they are, welcomes this child, and begins their family. The child finds a permanent home, and the birth mother is off the hook.”

On the surface, it seems like a win-win. However, this simplistic and problematic narrative often overshadows a more complex reality. Untold stories: of mothers pressured into relinquishing their children, of children silently carrying trauma into adulthood, and of the ongoing pain of not feeling a sense of belonging.

As an adoptee raised by a Mennonite family since birth, I’ve experienced firsthand the challenges of adoption and the search for my identity. Even now, I navigate questions of identity and grapple with insecurities surrounding the belief systems I was raised within.

While resources are plentiful for adoptive families – conferences, books, and support organizations – the adoptee’s voice is often absent. Parents share their experiences raising adopted children, educators offer guidance on academic success, and programs address the needs of “rebellious adopted boys.” Yet, where are the voices of the adoptees? Mostly, they are ignored.

This blog chronicles my journey as an adoptee. It documents some of the struggles I’ve faced with unraveling my identity and addressing the complexities of the adoption experience. My goal is to show that the process extends beyond the moment the papers are signed and the child becomes “yours.” “Beyond the Papers” is written from my perspective as an adoptee raised in the Mennonite culture, but many of the themes will resonate with adoptees and adoptive parents from all backgrounds. My hope is that by sharing my story, even more adoptees will feel inspired to share theirs, and help change the narrative surrounding adoption.